Why I Don’t Expect Everyone in My Church to Agree with Everything I Say

Sam Rainer

September 4, 2016


A pastor spends hours researching a sermon, then someone in the church challenges one of the main points. A pastor prays for months about a new vision, then someone in the church disagrees with the proposed direction. A pastor studies in seminary for years, then a person in the church takes issue with a doctrinal stance. Most pastors know these frustrations. While pastors should care deeply about preaching, doctrine, and vision, it’s unreasonable to expect everyone to agree with everything you say.

In fact, if you’re doing your job well as a pastor, taking firm stances and having a clear vision, then you will likely have dissent. In most cases, this dissent is not an omen of malevolence, but rather a sign of trust. When you propose a bold vision or make a firm doctrinal stance, silence from your congregation is much scarier than a few people expressing dissenting views. When someone wants to discuss a disagreement, it’s an indication that person trusts you to some extent. Rare is the person who uses dissent simply to be mean. That person exists, sure, but most people won’t fault you for politely ignoring a curmudgeon.

What should you do with dissenting views? In short, listen. You might actually learn you’re wrong, or at least recognize you might need to shift slightly. But why should you expect dissent? Why would I not expect everyone in my church to agree with me?

You don’t even agree with yourself. The future you will disagree with the present you. When I review what I preached ten years ago, I find I would change a lot of what I said. When I think about how I led ten years ago, if I could, I would tell my twenty-six-year-old self to change approaches. How can I get angry about dissenting views now when I don’t even agree with myself in the past?

You’re not perfect. We pastors preach about imperfect people all the time. Imperfection applies to our shepherding as well. You should expect dissent because you’ll be wrong, more often than you like.

Everyone needs to grow. When pastors disallow dissent, no one grows. The pastor stops growing because of pride, and the church never get the chance to grow because dissent was never heard.

Unheard dissent is dangerous. It’s a breeding ground for bitterness, especially in the church.

You need the accountability. Dissent is a gentle reminder to take yourself off the pedestal. It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong. It’s especially hard to admit you’re wrong if you consistently squelch all dissent. Pushing back on dissent is a vicious cycle, one in which you become more ingrained in the thought that you can’t possibly be wrong.

Followers are more important than leaders. The congregation is more important than the pastor. If you believe in servant leadership, then you must take the position that the people you lead are more important than you. When you expect everyone to agree with everything you say, then you’re making yourself to be the highest priority, rather than Christ and the people you shepherd.

Clearly, there are non-negotiables in doctrine and in some leadership decisions. You should not welcome dissent over the fundamentals of the faith or the core mission of the church. The bulk of dissent in the church, however, does not often come over non-negotiable issues. Expect dissent, listen, and learn. You’ll lead better because of it.


3 comments on “Why I Don’t Expect Everyone in My Church to Agree with Everything I Say”

  1. Rich says:

    Interpersonal skills, while rarely taught in school, are a basic leadership skill that is essential to the success of most endeavors in a church for a pastor. The list is long of pastors suffering burnout and leaving the pulpit from the very problems created by the burden of dealing with people. How fast the fervor and passion is dashed upon completing their first business meetings or dealing with unhappy Elders or Deacons – coupled with low wages and high expectations and visibility.

  2. Roberta Jones says:

    I love the line, “You don’t even agree with yourself.” That is true for any Christian who contemplates and reflects on their spiritual journey. Everyone needs to remember their grimace-worthy moments, to assure patience with other people. (I enjoy your writing, Pastor Sam.)

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